I arrived late. In the past if I was late it was because I had been delayed. This time, I purposefully walked through the door a half hour past the designated time. This is not to say I hadn't been across the street at the bar two hours ago; drinking and keeping an eye on the door. I saw her go in a few minutes early. Then I sat on the stool and marked the time until half past the hour. I paid my bill and stood up. I wobbled a bit, realizing I had drank more beers than I intended. I wanted my wits about me, not have this head full of cotton.

I walked across the street, already darkening at this early hour. A warm day for the season. I wished it was bitter cold. The cold would clear my head up. I wondered again why I ever agreed to this.

I pushed open the door and ignored the greeter as I strode into the bar area. I quickly saw her sitting down at the end of the bar. She was wearing a smart top and skirt with her hair pulled back, direct from work it seemed. I had never seen her dressed like this. She was nearly done with her beer and probably as busy looking at her cell phone for the time as I was staring at the clock over the bar across the street.

She glanced up and saw me and a brief smile flitted across her face. I tried to keep my face a mask of stone, but my gut was roiling. I hadn't seen her in such a long time.

She then gave me a confused look, then picked up her glass and walked towards me. I realized I was standing there like a statue, just staring at her instead of walking over myself.

She stopped in front of me, ducking her chin slightly as she looked up into my face.

"Hi," she said.

I was able to respond without sounding strange. "Hi", I said.

"I got us... I got us a table."

"Okay."

I felt as if I was back in high school, incapable of complex thought or speech with a woman.

I followed her back to the hostess who led us to a booth in the back. We both slid in opposite each other. I managed to thank the hostess when she handed us menus. Damn beers. I still couldn't think straight. I wiped my forehead. Great, a nice thin line of sweat. I felt guilty for even being here. I hadn't done anything. I needed to relax.

She looked over the menu, then glanced at me.

"Are you going to order anything?" she asked.

I hadn't even opened mine.

"I'm not hungry," I responded. Which was true, I was filled with that dammed beer.

"I'm just going to order a little something," she said.

We waited in silence. Neither of us looked at each other. I absorbed myself in observing the rest of the room. Mostly empty, the few people here were at the bar for happy hour. The waitress came and took her order, a dismissive grin on the server's face. No doubt contemplating the small tip she'd receive with only an appetizer ordered.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"Fine," I spat.

She looked away at that. My face fell for a slight instant. I still cared, dammit. I replaced the stone mask however as her blue eyes came back. They were a bit watery, I noticed.

"I'm sorry," she said and paused.

"Sorry?" I asked.

"I'm sorry for the way it ended. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for it to happen like that."

"Yes, but it still did."

"You weren't blameless yourself."

"Yes, but at least I acknowledge that then. You didn't."

"I'm sorry. Things were happening so fast, I wasn't really thinking about how everything would affect you."

"I noticed."

"I wanted to let you know that I wished it all had gone differently. There is a lot I'd take back, change, but I can't."

"Why are you telling me this now? You could've sent me an email or something. Why did we have to meet?"

I could feel the anger coming back. How foolish I'd felt. She closed her mouth and again lowered her chin and looked up at me with her radiant blue eyes. Her voice was low and soft.

"Because I still want you," she said.

"You... what?" I asked.

(to be cont.)